雅思大作文6分范文分析

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學(xué)習(xí)方法建議：讀題-思考ideas-閱讀范文和譯文-分析扣題和論述是否充分-結(jié)合考官評(píng)語(yǔ)和組長(zhǎng)解析提升對(duì)評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的理解-結(jié)合題目梳理ideas和話題詞匯。

以下題目和范文來(lái)自劍15-A-Test3。

題目：

審題：與G類相比，A類大作文題目的表述會(huì)復(fù)雜一點(diǎn)，不認(rèn)真讀題很可能會(huì)遺漏關(guān)鍵信息導(dǎo)致論述不充分。這道題包括三個(gè)部分：未來(lái)、沒(méi)人會(huì)買紙質(zhì)報(bào)紙或書籍、在線免費(fèi)閱讀所有東西，寫作任務(wù)是多大程度同意或不同意。這道題采取部分同意會(huì)比較好寫：雖然我相信以后人們可以在線閱讀所有東西，但我不同意沒(méi)人買紙質(zhì)報(bào)紙和雜志。

范文：6分，343words，保留了所有錯(cuò)誤，注意識(shí)別。

Today s technologies enable us to read books on electronic devices and, whats more, we can store hundreds of thousands of books on devices like Amazons kindle e-reader. This makes some people believe that people will stop printing books and in the future, everything will be digitalized.

譯文：現(xiàn)代科技是我們能夠在電子設(shè)備上看書，而且可以把成百上千本書儲(chǔ)存在像亞馬遜的Kindle這種設(shè)備上。這讓很多人認(rèn)為以后人們會(huì)不再印書，所有東西都會(huì)數(shù)字化。

組長(zhǎng)解析：開(kāi)頭段對(duì)題目的改述不夠充分，雖然對(duì)印刷品、在線閱讀進(jìn)行了回應(yīng)，但完全沒(méi)有提到without paying，很可能是沒(méi)有認(rèn)真充分讀題就開(kāi)始動(dòng)筆造成的，考場(chǎng)上一定要讀題三遍，畫出所有關(guān)鍵詞，再圍繞關(guān)鍵詞思考ideas。agree/disagree題型應(yīng)在開(kāi)頭段給出個(gè)人立場(chǎng)，回應(yīng)寫作任務(wù)。

Electronic books and newspapers have many advantages. They are easy to use and research. They can be stored in computers, mobiles, e-readers and in clouds in huge amounts and are available at anytime. The cost of manufacturing and printing was completely removed, which reduced their price. Digital books and newspapers also have one very important advantage - they are environmentally friendly. No paper is used to print magazines and books, which means fewer trees are cut from our forests to produce paper. All of these factors convinced many people that digital versions of books and magazines are more convenient, ethical and cheaper choices.

譯文：電子書和報(bào)紙有很多優(yōu)勢(shì)。它們方便使用和查找。它們可以被大量地存儲(chǔ)在電腦、手機(jī)、電子閱讀設(shè)備和云端并且隨時(shí)查看。制造和印刷的成本完全被省掉，因此價(jià)格也會(huì)便宜。數(shù)字版圖書和報(bào)紙還有一個(gè)非常重要的好處，環(huán)保。人們不再用紙來(lái)印刷報(bào)紙和雜志，意味著用于造紙的森林砍伐會(huì)減少。這些因素讓很多人相信數(shù)字版圖書和雜志是更為方便、道德、便宜的選擇。

組長(zhǎng)解析：除非采取完全同意的態(tài)度，這道題無(wú)論是部分同意還是完全不同意都需要對(duì)紙媒的優(yōu)勢(shì)進(jìn)行論述，這一段的ideas值得參考。

On the other hand, traditional printed books and magazines have existed for centuries and I believe they have created some kind of emotional connection and value for people. When a man reads a book and he likes it, he most probably would like to have it in the form of a tangible thing. Books are a form of art, like statues and paintings. You can have a picture of some famous paintings, but the painting itself has some intangible value. Magazines and newspapers do not have such value in themselves. Based on this, I believe that the amount of books printed will decrease considerably and maybe even dramatically. However, printed, tangible books will still be demanded by many people as they have some aura and value in addition to the things that are written inside.

譯文：另一方面，傳統(tǒng)的印刷書籍和雜志已經(jīng)有幾個(gè)世紀(jì)的歷史，我覺(jué)得他們已經(jīng)給人們創(chuàng)造了某種情感關(guān)系和價(jià)值。當(dāng)一個(gè)人讀喜歡的書的時(shí)候，他很可能會(huì)喜歡拿它在手里。書和雕像、繪畫類似，是一種藝術(shù)形式。你可以有名畫的照片，但名畫本身有無(wú)形的價(jià)值。雜志和報(bào)紙沒(méi)有這種價(jià)值。基于此，我認(rèn)為印刷書的數(shù)量會(huì)大幅減少。但是，仍然會(huì)有很多人需要印刷的可觸摸的書，因?yàn)槌藘?nèi)容，它們還有一些氛圍和價(jià)值的東西。

組長(zhǎng)解析：這一段的論述不夠扣題，觀點(diǎn)也不夠清晰，沒(méi)有說(shuō)明紙媒、網(wǎng)絡(luò)閱讀、免費(fèi)的關(guān)系，而且與結(jié)尾段連起來(lái)看讓讀者搞不清楚考生的立場(chǎng)到底是什么。

I do think, though, that there is a big chance magazines and newspapers will move into the online world completely. This is because they are published in huge numbers daily and weekly and monthly and no one needs them after years. Printing so huge amount of articles will demand additional resources and make them less competitive even in terms of price.

譯文：我認(rèn)為雜志和報(bào)紙很可能會(huì)完全網(wǎng)絡(luò)化。因?yàn)槊刻烀恐苊吭露即罅砍霭鎴?bào)紙和雜志，多年后沒(méi)人會(huì)需要他們。印大量的文章會(huì)需要額外的資源而且在價(jià)格上沒(méi)有競(jìng)爭(zhēng)力。

組長(zhǎng)解析：結(jié)尾段給出了個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)，但和前文的聯(lián)系并不緊密，前文一直在說(shuō)紙媒的好處，似乎是部分同意的立場(chǎng)，但結(jié)尾卻說(shuō)沒(méi)人需要，似乎是完全同意的立場(chǎng)，觀點(diǎn)不清晰，影響TR和CC。建議結(jié)尾段寫作與開(kāi)頭段呼應(yīng)，重申觀點(diǎn)并總結(jié)全文。

考官評(píng)語(yǔ)：這篇作文很有想法，作者分析了網(wǎng)絡(luò)材料與印刷材料相比的優(yōu)勢(shì)，以及在報(bào)紙雜志等印刷材料可能會(huì)完全數(shù)字化的背景下紙質(zhì)書不會(huì)完全消失的原因。題目中有paying，但文中對(duì)cost的論述太簡(jiǎn)略，如果能更充分地解釋說(shuō)明在線材料是否會(huì)免費(fèi)，TR分?jǐn)?shù)會(huì)更高。CC方面，邏輯清晰，分段合理，連接方式使用恰當(dāng)，如All of these factours, On the other hand, Based on this等。詞匯豐富，使用了搭配，如electronics devices， Digital book and newspapers, environmetally friendly, digital versions, traditional printed books, emotional connection and value等，只有兩處拼寫錯(cuò)誤，rech應(yīng)該是reach，recouces應(yīng)該是resources。綜合使用了簡(jiǎn)單句和復(fù)雜句，準(zhǔn)確度總體可以，存在的錯(cuò)誤包括Todays應(yīng)該是Todays，to read book應(yīng)為books，makes some people to believe 應(yīng)該是makes some people believe，digital versions of books...is 應(yīng)該是are , printing so應(yīng)該是such a huge amount of articles，但這些錯(cuò)誤沒(méi)有影響意思表達(dá)。

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